While meditating on John 12:26 this week, the Lord made me keenly aware of how much hate is in the world, who it’s coming from, and who it’s directed toward, and asked me, “Where do you think I am in this? Are you there with me?”

“If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there my servant will be also.” –Jesus

John 12:26

So, to all my friends who have had an abortion,

You are loved. You are so deeply loved, you can’t even imagine it. God loves you, Jesus loves you, and I love you. You are not a monster; you are not evil incarnate; you do not deserve to have a forced hysterectomy (as one commenter demanded).

In case you’re struggling right now, let me remind you: you are free to have a beautiful, full, meaningful life that the Lord uses any way He wants. Jesus is our redeemer, our perfecter–He is sufficient.

The past few weeks have been tough with the abortion legislation coverage. I’ve seen loving Christians spew hate and rage all over social media–not just about the new laws, but about all women who have had any abortion, ever. That hatred says more about their heart than it does about yours.  

Having had a baby at 17, I’ve had scores of women come to me and tell me their stories in secret. I was a safe place, because I knew the fear and judgement they had faced. And despite being a safe place for so many, I’m sure I was a threatening place for many more, because I had chosen to give birth. I became very aware that the stories I heard must have just been the tip of the iceberg.

I know there’s a much higher percentage rate of abortions within the church than our friends realize. I know you can’t say anything, because you’ve seen their faces contorted in anger and disgust. I know you have to be silent, but also long to talk in order to heal.

I’ve heard about the abortions, the secret adoptions, the prayed-for miscarriages that you then feel guilty about, and the D&Cs that you struggle with because you didn’t let nature take its course. I’ve heard about the marriages that you’ve always second-guessed. I’ve heard about your close calls and your getting caughts.

I know, from hearing hundreds of other women want to sympathize with me, that only pure luck kept them from being in our shoes. And yet, they seem to know what they would have done.

I know this isn’t just your secret, but your parents’ and your boyfriend’s  . . . or husband’s.

I know how hard it is to be a sinner in the church.

I am no hero having “chosen life,” though early on, I thought I was. The Lord quickly ended that pride by reminding me that I was just as terrified and unsure as you. And it was simply blind stupidity about how I would be treated that propelled me forward. Not my amazing faith in God.

I did not know about the horrific conversations I would have with medical professionals, church members, classmates, and complete strangers. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to be taken seriously by my son’s doctors, teachers, and fellow parents for years to come. I didn’t know how lonely it would be.

Maybe you did. Or maybe your parents did and decided to make that decision for you.

Mine honored my decision and stood by my side through all the challenges we faced. That was my only saving grace–a strong family. And naivete.  

I’ve seen our friends over the past few days judging you without knowing they judge you. Hating you without knowing they hate you. And all I could think was, “if they only knew who they were hurting with their words, they’d be so much kinder.”

But then, maybe, dear friend, you know better than me once again. Maybe that’s my naivete talking. Maybe they wouldn’t be kind or your friend, and it is better to just be silent.

And I know that if I’m nervous about writing this letter to you and putting it out there for all the world to see, your fear of being discovered must be almost unbearable.

I’m still a safe place if you need to pray, talk, or rant. Satan uses times like these to wield the heavy sword of guilt that you thought was healed and to make you doubt who you are in Christ. But I’m with Jesus, beside you, right where I’m supposed to be.

With unconditional love,

Amanda


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